


24 Things

by shniam



Series: 24 Things [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Metro article, dry humour, random facts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 06:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2140779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shniam/pseuds/shniam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry reads an article in Metro about 24 sex truths and starts to impart them.  Zayn suddenly finds that he can relate to them</p>
            </blockquote>





	24 Things

**Author's Note:**

> This is the start of a mini-series born from an actual article in Metro that was sent to me! I have a fondness for random facts that I can use and a list of 24 seemed like a fun challenge!
> 
> So, just the usual: dont know them, dont know if they even read Metro, dont make any money from this (sadly), please remember its fiction, any errors are my own (but please feel free to tell me if you find any!).
> 
> Aim to post one a week in an attempt to spur me on to the next one. Hope you enjoy :-)

#1 ‘Men will ALWAYS be obsessed with your bum hole’

Zayn entered the kitchen area of the bus, turned the dial on the coffee maker and reached for a mug. When he was happy that everything was ready he turned to face the small ‘dining area’, which was basically a table and benches. Contrary to popular belief he was very much aware of his surroundings once he awoke, he just didn’t like to acknowledge them before caffeine had entered his system. 

He was a little surprised to see only Harry at the bench in only a pair of stripped boxers and a bobble hat, eating yoghurt and granola whilst reading something on his tablet. Hearing the coffee maker click, Zayn poured his coffee and sat down opposite Harry.

“Whatcha reading Haz?”

Harry pointed his spoon at his tablet. “Article in Metro that Gem sent me.”

“We’re halfway across Europe and you are reading an article from a free London newspaper?! Ok, what’s it about?”

“S’called ‘24 horrible truths about sex we wish someone had taught us in sex education’. S’quite interesting really.” Harry replied before scooping up another spoonful of his breakfast, eyes never leaving the screen.

“Really mean to tell me that there are things about sex you don’t know?!” Zayn laughed and blew on the steaming liquid in his mug.

Harry lifted his eyes to give his best ‘patented-Louis-Look’. “That’s not what it’s about. It’s the things they SHOULD have taught us rather than pratting about with condoms and cucumbers.”

Zayn tipped his head and shrugged his lips, “Suppose so, there were some bits that never got covered. We had bananas though.”

“Waste of a banana.” Harry mumbled around his spoon.

Laughing Zayn sipped his coffee, wincing at the burn before taking another sip. “Says the man who ate an orange he randomly found!” Harry’s only response was a nod in agreement. “So what pearls of wisdom does Metro impart?”

Harry looked up sideways and the two giggled like the schoolboys they really were before Harry pointed his spoon at the tablet in front of him, bits of granola falling off. “Well number one is ‘Men will ALWAYS be obsessed with your bum hole’ which I am not sure is an accurate portrayal of men.”

Zayn leant back on the bench and cradled his mug to his chest. “I don’t know. S’ like on a woman some sort of forbidden ground, like the elephant graveyard in Lion King – ‘You must never go there Simba’” Zayn tried his best James Earl Jones voice before sniggering and trying to hide it by drinking his coffee.

Harry blinked owlishly across the table. “What is it with you and defiling Disney films? Did you really just associate bum holes with The Lion King?”

Louis plopped down beside Harry and flung his arm across Harry’s bare back. “Bit early to be talking bum holes innit?” He asked and took a sip of Harry’s tea, wincing when he tasted the sugar but still taking another mouthful.

Zayn pointed at Harry with his mug, “Harry here was informing us that me are always obsessed with bum holes.” 

Louis pursed his lips and looked thoughtful before nodding. “I’d agree. I'm pretty obsessed with Harry’s bum hole.” Picking up Harry’s mug and kissing the top of his head before walking away.

Zayn sipped his coffee and looked at Harry who just shrugged in answer.

The next five minutes continued in silence before Harry got up and took his bowl to the sink to wash and then left to get ready. Curiosity got the better of Zayn and he pulled the tablet towards him. Number two on the list was ‘98% of the times you have sex will be initiated by a man pushing his hard-on into your back while you try to sleep’. He huffed a laugh as he recognised that he had done that himself a few times, although he was pretty sure it wasn't 98% of the time.


End file.
